Trauma is not only a memory. It settles in the body, and research on adverse childhood experiences — parental neglect, early loss, the bad incidents we'd rather forget — shows how much they shape us as adults. So the question I keep coming back to with clients isn't only "how do I move past this?" It's "how do I release it and stay healthy while I do?" Four things help. You don't need all four. Even two, done honestly, can shift how much weight you carry.
1. Let yourself cry
Everyone cries, and everyone is entitled to. When sadness builds and finally spills over, that release is doing real work — stress leaves the body with it. The one caution: crying should be a release, not a residence. If it goes on for long stretches, day after day, it stops draining you and starts depleting you. So cry when you need to, and notice the difference between letting something out and getting stuck inside it.
2. Move in a way you actually enjoy
The body holds tension, and movement helps it leave — but only if the movement is something you like. Dance, yoga, a walk, exercise, even a walk with your pet. The "enjoy" part matters more than people think. One client of mine, in a counselling session, made this beautifully clear. I'd suggested she tell her in-laws that physical activity was important so they'd let her dance or exercise. She said, very simply, "Please don't ask me to say that. If I tell them I need physical activity, they'll hand me the broom and the dishes — and still not let me dance." Fair point. Choose movement that lifts you, not movement that drains you. And let yourself break a sweat. Sweating is part of how the body lets go.
3. Talk to someone — carefully
Talking, what we call talk therapy, is one of the most relieving things you can do. But be alert about who you choose. If the person spreads your words around, your sorrow doesn't dissolve — it simply travels, repeated in front of people you never meant to tell. Sometimes you don't need advice at all. You just need to vent, to complain, to say the thing out loud to someone who will hold it and not carry it elsewhere. That's exactly why we've started a listening service: you book a session, one of our listeners meets you online, and mostly they listen. You get the relief of being heard without the fear of it going further.
4. Journal — with prompts
Many of us kept diaries as children, writing down our whole day without thinking about it. Journalling as an adult is a little different, and it helps to know how to do it. Don't just record events — work with prompts that point you somewhere. If you want to build self-confidence, a prompt might be "What I love about myself is…" You might sit there and think, "There's nothing — that's exactly why I'm trying to build confidence." That's completely fine. The blank itself is information, and the right prompts slowly rebuild what's missing. If you'd like some prompts to start with, leave me a comment and I'll send a few across.
What to remember
Stress and old pain need a way out of the body, not just the mind. Cry when you must. Move in a way you enjoy. Speak to someone safe. Write with intention. Do all four and that's wonderful — but even two of them, practised regularly, can help the heavier incidents of your life leave your body far sooner than they would on their own.